I NEED COFFEE!!!

I need that jolt I get from my caffeine fix. It's been a long day. It is funny how doing practically nothing is tiring. I need to be back doing hospital work or I'll die from EXTREME boredom.

And I am tired of being nagged. I have tired of explaining myself and now I don't see the need. It has been futile then when it mattered, I cannot imagine the waste now that it doesn't. Some things, I guess, are beyond boundaries. Boundaries of reason. Boundaries of consciousness.

Then there's the routine of everyday. It is tiring to wake up to another day that will be spent thinking about trivial things. What whould I wear? (I really need to be in my uniform again). What should I do first? Where do I eat? When will my Unlimitxt be renewed? How much was my phone bill last month? What could possibly happen today to ruin the day? Pano kaya ako makakatipid today? Argh! Such mundane things! Tiring!!!

Gusto ko lang umupo sa isang tabi, magkape at magsalita paminsan minsan. Hindi ko ma-explain e. Hay... ayoko na magsalita. Gusto ko na magkape.

When I was at Megamall a couple of weeks ago, I took some pictures of the paintings from the art gallery. My favorite was a composition of 4 canvases showing the same soom (image of which is shown in the thumbnail on the left), on what I could only presume different times of the day. The title of the composition is "Nothing Ever Happens Here." It works. The colors are great. The theme is perfect.

I guess the same goes for the author of this blog and this blog as well. Nothing ever happens here. So yesterday, I decided to be super spontaneous. After our Leveriza stint for Community Medicine, we decided to hit Baywalk to, er, well, walk. At first we were hoping that Figaro was open because we wanted coffee and cigarettes. Of course, early as we were, the whole strip was still closed. So we ended up walking along Roxas Blvd from Ocampo St to UN Avenue. Ang saya! Sobrang lakas nang hangin. Nature and the city. The sea breeze on the left and city noise on the right. Nakakapagod lang talaga maglakad, but I guess the endoprhins kicked in.

We stopped by Starbucks UN Ave to get our caffeine fix. And there we witnessed the most awesome display of subtle prostitution. There was a balding guy seated with a woman with an incredibly short skirt. Two more guys took their seats at the same table and one of the newcomers started taking pictures of this girl and was on his phone talking to the "customer." Of course all this we just assumed. Hehehe. But after an hour maybe a car drove by and in they all went. That's that. Laugh trip na lang kami.

I guess "nothing" in nothing ever happens here is relative. It depends on what qualifies as something. And that Baywalk "walk" we did was definitely something.

Now this is why I had so many MP3s before.

I have been OC-ing through my iTunes. I try to research the album titles of the songs in my playlist and try to google the album covers of each to incorporate to the song. I don't know why I do it. Maybe wishful thinking that someday I'll have my own iPod. Hahaha!

I've been listening to a lot of Incubus lately. Dami ko naaalala. Thanks to Angge who lent me her CDs which I ripped to my laptop. Haha. Sound trip talaga ang ultimate trip.

*******

The world's a roller coaster and I am not strapped in.
Maybe I should hold with care, but my hands are busy in the air.

I think I was dreaming up some thoughts
that were seemingly possible with you

It reminded me twice that I was alive
And it reminded me that you're so worth the fight.

You're an exemption to the rule, you're a bonafide rarity
You're all I ever wanted, Southern girl, could you want me?

Galing ako ng SM Megamall kanina.

Ang tagal ko nang hindi nagpupunta don. Naalala ko tuloy nung med tech intern ako. I lived nearby kaya ang dalas ko dun sa mall. Hay... ang tagal na non. Ang bata ko pa non.

Ayokong nagpupunta ng mall mag-isa. Feeling ko kasi ang lungkot lungkot. Wala kang kausap. Wala kang kasamang kumain. Walang kahit ano. Pero kanina wala akong choice. Dinala ko kasi itong laptop sa service center kasi topak na talaga yung CD drive. Wala daw available na combo drive so I have to wait three weeks for one to arrive from Taiwan. Magte-text daw sila. Okay na rin yun. Libre naman e.

So mag-isa kong nasa Megamall. Ang laki pala talaga nun. It seemed larger this time na mag-isa nga ako. There was an ongoing concert when I was there. An old man maybe in his early sixties was playing the piano. One should see him play. No one will be more animated than him. Playing with him is a man in his thirties. He was playing the violin. I only recorgnized a few of the songs they played. Pero sobrang galing nila. Naaliw talaga ko. Na-enjoy ko yung concert nila. Nakikipalakpak na din ako after each and every song.

Bago pala yun dumaan ako nung art gallery. I remember the last time I was there. 3 or 4 years ago. Kanina, the exhibit was extraordinary. Napakaganda talaga yung exhibit. Naisip ko talaga, kung marami akong pera at for sale yun bibilin ko lahat.

Pagkatapos kong manood nung concert, lumipat ako dun sa tabi ng ice skating rink. Nung una isa lang yung nagi-skate. Tapos ayan meron nang mga bata. Nakakatuwa sila panoorin. Ang galing nila. Ako kasi isang beses pa lang nag-skate dun sa Megamall. Hindi ako marunong, haha. Pero before matapos yung oras ko nakaikot naman ako ng ilang beses sa rink without holding onto the rails. Tapos merong mestiza na mukhang nagle-lessons. Meron kasing may umaakay sa kanya. Hindi ko naman masabing sila kasi ang layo ng itsura nila. Ang ganda nung babae e. Yung lalaki... magaling yata magskate.

Tapos nun sa mga damit naman ako. Bibili ulit ako dapat ng tshirt, pero next week na lang.

Powerbooks naman ang tripping ko. I went back to the shelves I frequented 4 years ago. As usual, nalula na naman ako. Ang daming books na gusto ko. Pero siyempre hindi ko naman mabili. Pero eto yung mga good news. Merong bagong book si Coehlo: The Zahir. It is a book about obsession. Kapag nabasa ko yun, hindi ko na kailangan pagtiyagaan basahin yung ebook kong Moby Dick, which is a story about obsession din. Then two greater suprprises: Vladymir Nabokov's Lolita and Gabriel Garcia Marquez's Love in the Time of Cholera are back on those shelves. Ang tagal din nun nawala. This time it's way better because each book costs only 225 pesos!!! Dati 700 sila pareho. When I go back to Megamall for the Combo Drive, I will avail of both books!!! Pag sinuwerte at may pera pa, pati yung Zahir bibilin ko na. Ang saya!!!

*******

Masaya palang mag-mall mag-isa. Wala akong kailangang asikasuhin na kasama. Walang maiinip kung gusto ko lang manood ng tumutugtog o nang mga nai-skate. Wala rin akong iisipin na nakakahiyang maghintay habang tumitingin ako ng books. Akin na akin lahat. Kung anong trip ko, kahit anong ruta sa mall ang gawin ko. Akin lahat.

*******

Sobrang down ko kanina before ako pumunta ng mall. Ang dami kong iniisip. Ang dami kong tinatakasan. The only motivation I had for going to the mall by myself was the thought of my laptop working how I want it and, yeah, the thought of being away from everyone I know. I wanted to be alone and unrecognized. What comfort.

Now I look forward to the next time I'll be there. Sana dumating na yung combo drive. Gusto ko na ulit magmall.

ENOUGH!!!

I am optimistic. I am confident. I am relaxed. I am happy.

Was.

I've had enough rain. Please let the sun shine now.